Drive Theory Tenets and Relationships of the Unaware
1. Behavioral Motivational Drives, are often in conflict with reality and thus are defended against. In line with the Ego’s need to be right, the unaware warp discordant experiences, to maintain their security based assumed ideology.
2. Change, or the unknown, induces fear and unwanted feelings and emotions.
3. Repressed material remains compartmentalized, but consistently emerges into mental life, resulting in dis-ease.
4. Freud’s discovery of repetitive compulsions, loss of ones own agency and free will.
5. Resistance occurs when the unaware attempt to bring drives into conscious awareness.
6. Once unconscious material is represented, the person is liberated from its effect. (*Active Emotions, Spinoza)
7. Transference onto other, evidence for motivation of unconscious repetitive compulsions. (Deterministic quality of polar existence, Spinoza, Goethe, etc..)
The material that gets transferred is the ungratifying nature of the parental objects. This is the “Frustration” generated from the primary care giver that could not be managed by the unaware individuals psyche.
Romantic Relationships: of the Unaware
(Mediated by the Left Brain/Ego Adaptive Instinct)
“Chemistry” is usually based on ones baggage, not Cupid or the “Souls” recognition of itself in another.
The unaware are attracted to people who have the potential to hurt them, just like they’ve been hurt in the past. Those they couple with, unconsciously register as similar (and therefore mistakenly safe) to past traumatic relational individuals.
They are Driven to bond with persons who will most likely traumatize them again.
Unconsciously, the unaware are driven to repair their original (parental) relational trauma.
They unwittingly re-create the trauma by the creation of a “parental-surrogate” in the other.
1. The Original Trauma of early childhood development. We all get hurt, to one degree or another as we form our fledgling psyches, and like all discordant life experiences that are not brought into our consciousness, the trauma stays with the unaware unconsciously. They project/Induce the other into performing the role of their parental-surrogate.
2. The Trauma of past adult romantic relationships. In an effort to protect themselves from future pain the unaware may:
-Do a “Cross-Over”: unconsciously become their last partner, as their current partner assumes their previous role.
-“Sabotage” the relationship
-Withdraw emotionally from the relationship
The unaware don’t really “Select” a partner, their partner has been pre-selected for them, by their Original Childhood Trauma or their past Romantic Adult Relational Traumas, unconsciously.
The relationship is unconscious from the outset and destined to fail, in one way or another.
At least one of the partners has a dysfunctional lowered sense of true-self, and they willingly transform into a false-self to satisfy their need of a relationship, as they are terrified of being alone and require a borrowed sense of false-self to survive. Their partner needs only to be acceptable to them to play the role that they have unconsciously cast for them.
“We are doomed to repeat what we do not remember”
Enactments: some version of the past is always being repeated in the future, as the egocentric nature of the unconscious left brain cannot be present in the moment and must rely on past experiences to provide a construct for the present and future.
The majority of human interactions, of the unaware are nothing more than “Enactments”, or preprogrammed behavior patterns, analogous to “Engrams” the brain forms to coordinate muscular movements. Both Enactments and Engrams, are modulated by the Nucleus Accumbens, or the pleasure modulator of the brain. Enactments allow the unaware to perform social tasks on “Autopilot” and to thereby conserve potential emotional investments and psychic energy losses.
Over time, as in chemical addiction (Nucleus Accumbens), the repeated unconscious employment of En-“Acting” reinforces itself and, like an addict requiring more of a substance to receive the same effect, the unaware individual begins to create situations that Traumatize themselves.
This is accomplished by projecting the blame of ones own trauma onto another. The individual who is blamed is then unconsciously cast in the role of actually perpetrating the trauma onto the unaware blamer.
If the role is assumed by the unaware recipient of blame, the relationship devolves at varying rates.
In a “Normal” relationship (two unaware individuals), Induction will, and in fact must take place.
Both partners “En-Act” and eventually they become unreal to one another.
The Six Stages of Unsuccessful (Unconscious) Relationships
It’s never “Chemistry” or finding ones’ Soul-Mate, as the unaware so frequently presume. It’s Interpersonal/Neurobiological Cues, that signal to the ego what is familiar to it, so they can re-create a previous Relational Structure and live out the Trauma associated with it.
Two: The Honeymoon Period
Things seem to be going along swimmingly. There is a sense of easy communication, they seem to really “know” each other better than they would have ever expected or thought possible. The sexual part of their relationship is passionate, as the unconscious Relational Structure has not been revealed yet.
The more unaware (needy) partner Induces the other to Act more like their wounding parent. The other is already primed to Act in this way, for they were selected for this very reason.
The Act of the Inductor is to activate the similarities in the Inductee, even more, so that they become more dramatic.
Four: Injury and Repair
Both partners start injuring the other, each employing their standard operating procedure.
This causes the relational bond to actually intensify, as they soothe one another during the makeup, and reignite their passions.
The other feels so important and familiar that their underlying dysfunction is denied by both partners.
During times of repair is when cohabitation, or marriage, is usually agreed upon.
A profound sense of relief and euphoria fuels this, and the fantasy that one has finally found ones Soul-Mate is a common theme for the unaware.
Five: The Parasitic Take-Over
Through repeated use of Inductions, and the accumulation of repeated injuries, repair becomes less frequent and effective.
One partner Assumes the Role of the Parental-Surrogate and the other the Parasite.
To the Parasite, the partner seems to be taken over by “Mysterious Forces!”
“Parasitic Psychological Communication”: the parasite is no longer in control of their communication, they actually become an alien to themselves, they become something else, not themselves and less and less of themselves the longer the relationship continues.
Six: The Breakup
Due to repeated Inductions and the Parasitic Take-Over, one partner eventually decides to end the relationship. This is due to the guilt and shame of injuring their partner over and over, or due to no longer feeling like oneself with the partner.
Repeating the Pattern
The phenomenon of Serial Monogamy and Multiple Divorces:
most unaware people repeat this pattern over and over again.
Avoiding the Pattern
The psychological alternative to repeating the pattern for the unaware.
This “Avoidant Attachment Type”, can take several forms
*those who just want superficial relationships/Sex
*The Obsessive/Indecisive personality
The Dissolution of the Relationship
When the parent-surrogate is embodied in our partner, conflict/stress occurs and is often:
*Tolerated and lived with for many years
*Is the Cause of the breakup or divorce
“The unaware are destined to seek and find a romantic partner that wounds them in familiar ways.”
The egocentrism associated with the left brain and the Adaptive Instinct, protects the unaware from change, unwelcomed surprises, discordant experiences and the feeling associated with them or those who think differently than they do. They seek those who think like they do to minimize their stress and anxiety.
The paradox lies in the fact that this protective mechanism (the ego’s defining characteristic) ironically increases ones fear as it prevents the afflicted from the expanding their understanding of things thereby preventing those that fear the unknown the most from knowing! The walls meant to protect the Self, wall the Self in one brick at a time. The safety and security that they think they have found, is their prison that they unwittingly have built themselves!
“The Aura”: Neurobiology
Our brains and bodies put out a series of complex, nonverbal and (unconscious) communications that can be “read” by others.
When we are convinced that the world is material, as the left brain and the ego assiduously attempts to convince us of, we not only possess a limited ability to discern what people are trying to tell us but also what they are communicating to us nonverbally.
In the animal kingdom the weakest member of the group is sensed in this way by the predators that stock, hunt and eventually kill the weakest prey. This “Survival of the Fittest” phenomenon promotes the survival of the group and species, as the ego attempts to do for sentient human beings.
In humans, due to our consciousness or lack there of, the Aura works either to promote or to lessen our chances of finding edifying relationships.
In the unaware individual lacking access to the true-self, and by definition self-confidence, the Aura promotes their physical survival by cuing others to psychically traumatize them, so that they may maintain their adaptations.
In the aware person, who possesses their true-self and thus displays a palpable sense of self-confidence, the Aura promotes their Spiritual Growth by cuing those who also possess their true- self. To the unaware, the same Aura that promotes others to display their true-self and lost-self, are threatened and great anxiety can be provoked in them.
The central component in an Intimate Bond Relationship
The unaware are Programmed to employ the Adaptive Instinct to Survive.
They use a Facade (Persona) or adapt to an actual or assumed trauma.
The aware partner promotes the true-self and lost-self over the Facade. The unaware partner will respond favorably and risk revealing their true-self and eventually lost-self, if they possess enough access to the energy of the Creative Force. That is, if the less aware partner feels enough confidence in themselves and their aware partner that they can be inspired to lift themselves up and out of the grips of the egocentric Adaptive Instinct.
As the Creative Force begins to power the less aware partner, they will gradually move to release more and more of their false-self in favor of their true-self and lost-self.
As awareness increases, the less aware partner can more easily view themselves, and the world in general, more honestly and vulnerably. This awareness is analogous to a child learning how to walk, once they can walk across a room without falling, they become much more willing to risk and explore the world around them.
The Adaptive Instincts PowerPlay and the Emergence of Unconscious Egocentricity
In times of excessive emotional intensity, individuals who actively block, or consciously warp experience in an attempt to wall off the feelings associated with their emotions, corrupt their brains ability to store information accurately. These “Walls”, psychically divert the systematic organic transfer of filtered experience (initially processed in the structures of the Limbic System), and chaotically misfile subsequent filtered experiences. Both the retrieval and the storage of the memories themselves become askew. These individuals eventually foster a distrust in themselves and in their ability to competently manage and interpret discordant life events, and the stresses of daily living.
This phenomenon, mediated by the differentiating left brain, manifests in a retraction, or a regression, of ones sense of self and ultimately leads to an unhealthy dependence on others to make important life judgements and decisions for the individual. Going forward, they must defer personal responsibility to a projected upon authority figure (parental-surrogate) whom they unconsciously become dependent upon for their basic needs of security, safety and overall well-being.
Unconsciously, the now repressed true-self does not passively comply with its ego usurper, as the self still has access to some of the power of the uniquely human Creative Force. This unbalances psychic energy homeostasis, and this increase of tension must be released (vented) via any number of obsessions, or socially acceptable addictive type compulsions. Which mechanism will be employed, depends upon the individuals particular predilections, and their perceived unmet externally projected needs and desires.
Similar to those afflicted with psychopathy, who cannot adequately feel and process their emotions, these individuals also tend to compensate for their lack of appropriate emotional response by exhibiting a compensatory increase in their sexual appetite and in their need for external physical support in general. This ultimately leads to lessened relational bonds, lowered empathy and a loosening of ones overall moral fidelity and integrity. The person(s) supplying their relational support becomes less important than the support they provide (devaluing of people).
The farther a person deviates from the center (of the linear gradient of polarity that we humans must adhere to) in favor of the less aware Adaptive Instinct (to the left of center), the more they necessarily wall off their emotions and their sense of self and personal creative expression is lessened. The left brain assumes more and more influence over their conscious awareness and their endowment of human conscious perspective correspondingly wanes.
The egocentrism associated with the left brain and the Adaptive Instinct, protects the unaware from change, surprises, discordant experiences and the feelings associated with them, and from those who think differently than they do. They actively seek out only those who believe in the things that they do, in an attempt to minimize their fear, stress and anxiety.
The sad paradox lies in the fact that this protective mechanism (the ego’s defining characteristic) ironically increases ones fear as it prevents the afflicted from expanding their understanding of the true nature of things, thereby preventing those that fear the unknown the most, from knowing!
The walls meant to protect the Self, wall the Self in one brick at a time. The safety and security that they truly believe they have found, becomes their own prison that they unwittingly have built themselves!