Children and Divorce

Is there anything as lonely as grieving alone? I suppose we always truly grieve alone but when our experience cannot be shared with those who can actually ease our burden, the difficulty of healing becomes exponentially more difficult. This is often the predicament of children of divorce.  

As divorce is about as rare as the common cold these days, its impact on those it negatively impacts is trivialized in the worst way.  

Luckily for our busy culture, there exists an expedient albeit impotent technique, (really more like a socially accepted vernacular for those who cannot invest the energy required to feel or empathize) when they are forced to deal with those caught up in the soul-fracturing experience that divorce can be, especially for children.

Brilliant thinkers such as, Carl Jung, Frederich Nietzsche, RW Emerson, Johann Goethe, Baruch Spinoza, Albert Einstein, and on and on have all come to the same conclusion. They understood the troubling disconnect of the contrived impact of ones culture on the individual over the deeper psychospiritual needs of the individual.  

As it relates to divorce and its effect on children, not only does their culture respond to them with a preset script that does little to assist them in being understood or help them process the tragedy that divorce can be, but their own parents and family often do not support them in a meaningful way as the rupture of the family sets so many adults heads spinning.

The current socially accepted “spell” is to say that children are resilient, divorce is preferable to two adults taking their venom out on each other, a new path is required for one or both parents, or some other such nonsense that transfers responsibility and a lack of internal growth of one or both parents onto something or someone else.  

This thinking mystifies children and adults alike and contributes to the short attention span and technique-based posture we as a culture have for anything that makes us think too much, or feel too strongly.  

A very popular egocentric strategy for a parent to assume during and after a divorce, is one of unknowing not unlike a child. Even the most intelligent of adults, who drape themselves in this way, suddenly become stymied when brought to task on their responsibility or obligatory parental commitments to their children. Few hold them to account when an adult positions themselves as far less able than they truly are capable of. It’s the equivalent of a child pointing her finger at her brother, not well thought out but effective when it comes to shirking ones repsponsibility to a public that doesn’t really mind or care about anything as unremarkable as just a divorce.

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