After my ex decided that riding the life roll roaster with Peter Pan (me), over the past 23 years was too scary for her and opted for a more “normal” version of life, a vacuum of aloneness and a frightening feeling of what the fuck now caused me to spin out a bit. Confused over her lack of both feeling and reasoning skills and the generalized immediate acceptance of our less “enlightened” friends, sent me spinning into a land of meaninglessness and deep despair.
To fill the void I now found myself in, as my ex obviously had no interest in attempting to repair our bond as evidenced by her urging me to start dating again only a few weeks after our separation (as she already had and had in fact suddenly fallen deeply for a more sedate man whose central processor hovered more closely around the middle of the Bell Curve than I), I recklessly searched for a replacement.
I found that I hated the game of dating, as the rules associated with it were amongst the egocentric and ridiculous of all! The online dating sites, seemed to me to be filled with people marketing their idealized self to potential matches, and listed what model and options they think they wanted for themselves. So I hung out with some single friends that I knew, both male and female.
One particular woman who I ended up sharing many “happy hour” booze fests with, was drop dead gorgeous and had a life perspective and the ability to hold my attention, like few women I’d met in my life. When I was in the particular frame of mind that I was at the time, combined with a few Tanqueray and Tonics and had the adoring gaze of a woman who looks could give any Hollywood starlet a run for their money, my focus and judgement was a tad dampened.
She pursued me from the outset, and though I’d never chased a woman before in my life, I soon pursued her like a school boy. I found that when I was too open and honest about me feelings (which were enhanced by my obvious neediness), my appeal to her all but vanished. In this state I could never rekindle what I thought we once shared, and surprisingly she soon fell deeply for an acquaintance that I had invited to a shindig I threw one Saturday.
She like my ex, had suddenly found the “one”, and they contemplated marriage after only a few months of dating. This really threw me for loop, until she called me moments after her would be future husband broke up with her over the phone because he didn’t like the fact that she didn’t workout at a gym 5 days a week like he did……Umm….when’s recess?, I’ll go it alone for awhile!😉