The appearance of civility and treating others with respect is valued highly in ours and many cultures. One need not necessarily actually mean what they speak or act socially, they need only say the right words to make those with in ear shot comfortable.
We all tacitly submit to the game we play, it is only when the game amongst other players becomes too stressed and uncomfortable that we are allowed to break the standard protocol and speak a bit more truthfully to one another, but even then there are limits.
When two or more individuals cannot seem to communicate in such a way that allows for an edifying or a comfortable dialogue, it becomes acceptable to end the association and for whatever reason one gives, no matter how unlikely or weakly reasoned ones logic.
When we require high levels of certainty in our lives to feel comfortable, the reasons we require to accept a particular assertion, tends to be correspondingly weak. When we require little certainty to feel comfortable, we tend to need very well thought out reasons to accept something as true.
Certainty is a function of our beliefs. If we need our beliefs to be rock solid, we are uncertain to that degree of solidity. With this posture, one tends to take on offenses when ones beliefs are challenged, and in order to minimize any challenges, one must restrict their experiences to the degree that they require certainty.
As a culture we have agreed that spoiling the fantasy of Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny for a six year old is nearly unforgivable, and as a result of this and other fictions that we all complicity reinforce, this behavior serves as a model for our social discourse between adults. It’s ok to bend the truth if we are to keep our friends and family from knowing what they signal to us what they do not wish to know.
When one requires little certainty, but more honesty in their dealing with other adults, one is always disappointed and must take the higher view that they themselves know the game, and though they’d prefer not to play it, they must for the sake of the whole.
The cure for an over reliance upon certainty is vulnerability: both openness and taking risks. But those two things require courage and few possess it.