Relationship Acceptance

“In the absence of bravely journeying inward and taming the beast
that we find crouching in the shadows, life itself is merely a shadow!”
-The Redneck Molar Mechanic

When we have taken the time, had the experiences, formed a true bond and pledged our love and soul, accepting those things, that are less than ideal in our partner, is at the very root of Acceptance. When things are going well acceptance is relatively easy. However when challenges present themselves, those less than ideal “things”, can become quite amplified. Every one of us is flawed, everyone would readily agree with this statement. But it seems that the length of tether in which we allow our partner to stray, from the way we “Need” them to behave, is incredibly variable in we humans. We often expect more from our partner when it comes to our own emotional, and other, needs. The degree to which we need our partner, to behave as we have prescribed, speaks to our own level of security or dependency on our mate. Must our partner, strictly adhere to our vision of who we think they should be, or can we afford them the latitude they so desperately need to be themselves, to mess up, to grow, or to go through pain required to learn? Within a committed relationship, where all of the challenges of life are in full force, it is imperative, if the union is to survive, that both participants fully accept one another. Acceptance is then a component of love, of understanding, of giving, of growing, of learning, of empathizing, etc. The challenges, of this life, are what give life it’s very meaning! This is when we grow, when our love deepens, when we gain knowledge and wisdom, when we truly learn Commitment and instruct our children. These lessons are invaluable and are requisite for true and lasting bonds. By persevering through the challenges of life we strengthen, not only the mutual bond between two tender and fledgling souls, but the very fabric of humanity.

When we can’t even accept ourselves, how could we possibly accept our partner? When we are young and enter into marriage we are very rarely complete human beings, as it relates to acceptance of the self, let alone of our partner. In their infancy, relationships are fueled mostly by infatuation and excitement. When that fuel is spent the real work begins. In preceding generations, people got married and stay married. Wether these lasting unions were successful due to the stigma of divorce, the influence of Christian ideals or the lack of career opportunities for women, the fact is they tended to last. People found a way to make it through the trials and tribulations of life within the confines of the marriage. As a result of these achievements, many gifts were and, have been, bestowed on the couple, their offspring and society. Things like commitment, hard work, acceptance, communication, perseverance, family strength, love, giving, etc, were realized and reinforced. The Greatest Generation, as it has become to be known, buttressed this nation and their example strengthens us still today. Not every marriage that endured was perfect or a shining example but overall the effect of truly committing had, and continues to have, a very positive influence on our society. One can speculate and blame many shifts in society for the large spike in divorces since that time, but the net result has not been a positive one. Today divorce is our example and the norm. The message is quit, the grass is greener, you can always start over, etc. I wonder if the escape module, that divorce often is, will have as positive an impact as did The Greatest Generation?

Boundaries

Boundaries are Healthy limits. The more the person is susceptible to the possible pain from what others may throw at them then the more boundaries (or walls) they need construct. If a person has self-awareness and sees the best in others they tend to be more resistant to the potential pain that others may attempt to cast upon them. Having the discernment to know what is real and what is BS allows the self-aware, and less egocentric individual, to weather the storm when the other is functioning at a lower level. When you Know someone and have loved them, and they you, you Know when they are in pain and lashing out in weakness. If you can allow yourself to feel true compassion for the one you love then the arrows they launch, when they are in pain, fall short of inciting a retaliatory attack. Egos attack and feel attacks very easily!

I have personally been told and diagnosed by several people that choose to attribute, my alleged weak Boundaries and therefore weakness in general, to a flaw in my psyche. While I think that this would be a “Common” misdiagnosis for those with a more limited understanding or who have read about the importance of boundaries in the lay journals or a simple book, it is the exact opposite of what they suppose. It takes far greater strength and integrity, to ones beliefs, to weather the ego blows and to wrestle with others egos, for the sake of love and connection, than it does to write one off or apply remedial thinking to protect ones limited thinking and self-image. Not everyone protects their egocentric self so jealously, some of us are actually open and aren’t drained of our energy reserves when we see the other with love and as their best self. Common sayings such as, “don’t say something you’re going to regret” or “you can’t take back words once you’ve said them”, are true if that is your mentality but they are only used by the less aware to justify the offenses they so readily take on. The less aware individual, by projecting their own viewpoint onto the other, assumes it is not possible to have such a healthy mentality. They are left with no choice but to assign the more self aware with a flippant psychobabble diagnosis.

The Basics for a Great Life

Create a Vision for your Life
A life long commitment that pulls you forward to your own greatness, contribution and meaning. It aligns you with who you are and guides you towards happiness and love. It must be very clear and on top of your mind. You can refine it as time goes on to be in line with your growth and knowledge that comes as a result of your experiences. Without a vision we tend to live life on autopilot and we can lose ourselves and our way in life. Include how you want to live, where, in what environment and with whom. Describe your ideal mate and children if you choose to have them. What role your career will play in your life?, is it a way to provide you a lifestyle?, does it reinforce your purpose? Etc..

Know Yourself
take time often to introspect and gain self-awareness! Discern what you love to do, what your gifts are and what your shortcomings are, both what you can improve and what you can’t. Accept that you aren’t perfect, be easy on yourself and love yourself so you can love others and have outstanding relationships! Develop your ability to Critically Think and have empowering beliefs that you have Integrity to them.

Be happy first
then your career and success will automatically be in line with who you are. Practice Gratitude, Abundance and Give more than expected when you see a place to help others. Do what you Love! Commit your life to something Meaningful, to something bigger than yourself! Take time everyday that is sacred so you can meditate, pray and connect with god and center yourself.

Develop Good Relationships:šŸ‘„
we are social beings and we yearn to give and receive Love. Once we have honestly and diligently achieved self-awareness, through coming to terms with our strengths and weaknesses, we are gifted with self-acceptance, true self-confidence and self-love. At this point we are able to forge deep and important relationships! Relationships are vital to a meaningful life and can become profound when we remove our fears, neediness and ego from the equation. We become giving, understanding and greatly reduce interpersonal conflicts when we are aware of and in control of ourselves. You begin to attract others into your life with little or no effort. Love can be fully experienced and the magic of life is revealed!

5.). Become a light
who adds to every interaction you have. When others spew their venom at you, just watch it pass by without allowing the toxin to effect your spirit. The spells others cast upon us only have the power that we choose give to them. This practice builds our spiritual immune systems and only We, ourselves, possess the vaccine to inoculate .

A Child’s Eyes

A Child’s Eyes

It has been proffered by many of the great sages and spirits throughout mankind’s history that most of us live but we are never truly awake. Sadly, we were born fully awake, complete and whole. Bit by bit we slowly fall into an unconscious slumber, as we attempt to shelter our tender souls from the difficulties and pain that we experience in life. Eventually we find ourselves surrounded by a mighty fortress where we have unwittingly imprisoned the very spirit that we were trying to protect.

It requires courage and love for us to make the conscious choice to awaken, to unplug and to become aware and free ourselves from our self-imposed incarceration. We can not transform ourselves in isolation though, we need others and we need love. The love we are given as children lays the foundation that we ourselves must build upon if we are to bravely make the journey deep within and rediscover our true and wonderful selves once more. As parents, as brothers, as sisters, as human beings we are all blessed with the sacred and wonderful task of loving and fostering the spirits of children that we know and love. If we could see these little wonders with the eyes we once had as children, we would fall to our knees in humility and gratitude!

Integrity

Integrity! What is it? Who possesses it? Integrity is a catch word that seems to encapsulate all of the characteristics of a person that we admire the most. A person with integrity is trustworthy, honest, does the right thing, can be relied upon, takes the high road, is often asked for their advice and is well respected. I would add that Integrity, describes a person, whose beliefā€™s, thinking and actions are integrated. An integrated person makes choices based upon what they believe is right and truthful. This deliberate action is then dutifully applied to all areas of oneā€™s life. When a decision, or stance, needs to be made or taken, an integrated person stands for what is true and best, no matter how their decision affects them personally. This may mean that they must fall on the sword, from time to time, in defense of their beliefs. This infers that no matter how the decision affects them financially, publicly, or even physically, they are steadfast in ardently defending what is right and true. It is implicit, in my definition, that to truly possess this quality all decisions and choices are contemplated thoughtfully and with earnest sincerity. Of course we are all just human and no one can possibility act with integrity at all times, but those who possess it must be ever vigilant and deliberate in its application. It is, most assuredly, a worthy goal to strive for!

Reality Check

Reality Check

A few years back I journeyed down to Oaxaca Mexico to try help some less fortunate than I. I thought I knew what “Poor” meant, as it relates to income and resources, but I had no idea. The patients I treated were some of the most honoring, respectful and grateful people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in my life. I set my portable dental chair and fired up a portable generator to power the “Tools” of the trade. My office was the main room in the “Nicest” house in the Village. The Village was situated on an old garbage dump, as evidenced by the less than fetching aroma that permeated the air. The “Nicest” house, was constructed of cinder blocks, had dirt floors, and its own bathroom, a 3×3 room with a 5 gallon bucket and a shower curtain for privacy. This Villa was the pinnacle of luxury for these people, most of whom shared a communal outdoor hole in the ground lavatory and lived under four walls and a roof constructed of corrugated cardboard, plastic, or metal for the upper middle class. This experience “Scratched my Record” and shifted my belief about many things. As I was reminiscing today I thought, I wished my kids could have experienced that with me. Not to feel guilty about our comparative wealth, but to understand how many of our beliefs are assumed or adopted from the environment in which we live. Of course it makes me feel grateful for the many luxuries I, and nearly all Americans take for granted, but at a more profound level, it makes me think about how many more distorted beliefs I have that block me from having a truer sense of reality. I don’t want to live as a robot, running on programs that make me less compassionate towards others or that block my ability to See others as they truly are.

What is Humility?

The virtue of Humility, or being humble, like many meaningful words, is lost in semantics when bandied about by two or more people. The spiritual profundity of the word becomes watered down to mean insignificant, subservient or being inferior, words actually listed in the dictionary as its second definition. The first definition: not Proud or Arrogant, Modest. Humility then is a virtue and a spiritual understanding and discipline, the actual antithesis of Pride and Arrogance. Humility becomes Known only when we understand ourselves in relation to humanity as a whole and how as an individual, no matter how special we think we are, are of little significance, especially in isolation. We humans need each other, to such a degree that we were both blessed with and cursed by our emotions. We can only truly effect the world, in any meaningful way, through our ability to form relationships and work towards our ends with the help and support of others. So humility aids in keeping the group together, prevents us from isolating ourselves and increases the probability of our survival as a species. Conversely, Pride and Arrogance separate! When we fall into the snare of our ego or elevate our self-importance, we effectively withdraw ourselves from others emotionally, spiritually and physically. Humility, in the end, supports life, it enhances life and the bonds we create with those we love!

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